Red Light, Screen Light

The average red light at an intersection lasts 30-120 seconds.

As of now, this duration is too long for people to go without checking their phones.

When I’m at pretty much any red light in Chicago, I’ll sometimes notice that my lane has started moving in response to the newly-green light while the lane next to me hasn’t.

Almost every time I glance to the side on my way past the first car in that lane, I see that they’re on their phone.

Here’s what’s going on:

Keeping your eyes on the road is now at a lower priority than scrolling social media.

This mental affliction of needing constant content now is going to result in a physical affliction (you being dead).

Ever since the pandemic, people have been experiencing what I’ve heard being called “Living Room Syndrome,” where it’s okay to behave as if you’re at home, no matter where you are or how inconsiderate it may be to everyone around you.

Now, if you’re quickly changing a song during a red light, I don’t consider that to be too terrible (I’m biased because I do that sometimes), but many people are just scrolling through videos.

The babies need their pacifiers because the keys in front of them have stopped jingling for a minute.

Needless to say, this ain’t good.

Even though it’s needless, I’ll explain why:

• First of all, the fact that people can’t handle sitting in front of red lights anymore shows how miniscule the modern attention span has become.

• Secondly, this will cause an increase in car crashes and fatalities.

• These two issues together are a stark reminder that humans as a whole aren’t meant to be this stimulated all the goddamn time.

• I mean, why would anyone bother staring at the boring red light when they could swipe through 4 funny videos in the same timeframe? The preference of the average person is now blatantly obvious.

If you’re someone who does this, get fucked.

But also, why? Do your excuses sound like this?

• I only quickly glance at my phone. (That’s still dangerous because the lights change in the blink of an eye.)

• Everyone’s doing it, so we’ll all adapt. (Braindead logic.)

You are literally putting your life at risk because you’d rather break your neck looking at pixels of strangers on your phone than just look at the strangers crossing the street or something.

I implore you to have more respect for your and other people’s lives.

You’re also making your attention span worse and worse, which lowers the quality of the life you’re currently putting in danger.

Try not having the attention span of a goldfish sometime. There are some benefits to it:

• If you get the hell off your phone while you’re driving, you’ll become a better driver and live longer because you’ll be paying attention to the road.

• Your attention span will increase because it will need to if you want to survive on the road.

• You’ll make it home in one piece.

Thankfully, this was never me (besides the stoplight song change, which you can definitely call me out on), but I have some pretty good tips to help you stop this insane behavior:

1. The next time you’re at a red light, don’t touch or look at your phone. If you’re using the GPS, adjust the settings so that you don’t get unimportant notifications while navigating. Or temporarily turn on Do Not Disturb mode.

2. If this is too hard for you, use your car’s GPS (or buy one), and keep your phone in your pocket.

3. Look around. There’s plenty to see: the pedestrians, the various other traffic lights, the cars in front of you, the weather. Anywhere but your phone.

4. Wait for the light to turn green.

5. Drive safely.

6. Live long.

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